Put the mazoku lords in one house and
by tikimoof
Summary: All of the mazoku lords are put in a house together, and we wait to see what happens...
1. Discovering how evil an authoress can be

Hi! This is my first Slayers fic, so don't go too heavy on the story yet! I think I'll leave my friend out of this, as she's still in shock about Zel being one third mazoku. It's my opinion that he IS part mazoku. I kind of told her that to hopefully get her to not obsess SO MUCH, since that's all she ever talks about. I myself obsess over Weiss Kreuz, Trigun, Yu Yu Hakusho, Fushigi Yuugi, YuGiOh, Ayashi no Ceres, and other things. If you obsess over more than one anime, you can obsess over several characters! ...how did I get on this subject?! So, after reading my ramble, on to the story! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------  
  
"Hey! Cut it out!"  
  
Phibbrizzo tried to escape from his 'siblings' as they kept teasing him about his human body. Except Dynast, he was just watching, though he did look like he was wearing a small smile... Everybody else decided to not taunt him, as he had three of his suboordinates with him, all of whom were utterly devoted to him. The authoress, of course, was watching interestedly, and would stop and write things down occasionally.  
  
Eventually, said authoress got bored with the teasing, and cleared her voice. The mazoku ignored her. They continued doing so until she yelled, and then only when she threatened to sing the 'Life is Wonderful' song and bring in Amelia to sing it in a duet. That quieted them down.  
  
"Now that I finally have everyone's attention- Beastmaster, please stop poking the Hellmaster...okay, as you all know, I personally think all the mazoku lords are fascinating, and would love to become a homicidal maniac, but I'm not quite that insane yet. So, you're here because I wanted to see what would would happen if you guys were stuck in a house with each other for a week. It's part of my science fair project, under the subject of 'What happens to grown siblings who aren't together too much are forced to live together.' I, of course, will be monitoring what happens. And, you'd better be ready in two hours. The rules are as follows: You can't stay away from home for more than 8 hours at a time, and you have to be home at least as long before you can go out again. No ganging up to the point of destroying furniture, and I'd appreciate it if you were all alive at the end of the week! I don't care how bad it gets, Hellmaster!"  
  
Phibbrizzo blinked innocently, and quickly hid his soul orbs behind his back.  
  
"I think I'd better take those from you. Nothing's going to be lost if no one dies for a week..." The authoress scribbled something down, and the soul orbs disappeared.  
  
"So, now that most of the rules have been laid down, you need to get ready. You have two hours. If I forgot any rules, I'll alert you then."  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Two hours later...~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Deep Sea Dolphin walked into her room. She was still glad that the house was big enough that they wouldn't have to share rooms. She wasn't happy with having to be insane on account of Zelas. She was sane enough to realize that, and she wasn't too happy with it, but still, it was fun to try to annoy Dynast...she opened her rather small suitcase, and started pulling out odd things, like pictures of her precious fishies, and a large tank with what looked like a rather evil fish...it seems that despite sizes, the suitcase was only a link to the astral plane...The authoress noted this, and moved on to the next room...  
  
Zelas Metallium moved her large supply of alchoholic beverages and cigarettes into a corner of the room. She kept wondering if she had brought enough...  
  
Gaav didn't add anything too exciting except for a lot of swords...  
  
Phibbrizzo hung up several pictures of Hell, and people in pain. He took out an odd diary, and wrote something in it...  
  
Dynast set the temperature as low as it would go, and turned on his fans, muttering something obscene about cities near the equator...  
  
The authoress looked in her room, and at the corner filled with at least 10 piles of paper stacked 3 feet high. She kept thinking she would need more by the end of the week. 'Oh well, there's still the hidden horde under all the junk in the closet...' she thought...  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------- So, how did you like it? It's not too funny yet, but maybe in later chapters it'll get better. My favorite mazoku are Deep Sea and Dynast. They just HAPPEN to be the two that no one knows about, which is probably best because you can do just about anything with them. Wanna know something really odd? My friend who got me into the series has seen practically all the episodes, whereas I have only seen two episodes, but know more about it than her. Episode guides ROCK!! WORSHIP THE FISH HEADS! *all the mazoku lords except Deep Sea drag her off stage* *Dolphin walks onto stage, and clears her throat* Since the authoress can't say this, she wants you to review, and NO FLAMES! Also, as another of her afternotes, she warns you about the homicidal fish heads that are going to take over the world. You didn't know I would do that, did you? She knew, and was going to warn you. To be saved, start bowing down to the fish heads! 


	2. a visit from the bane of all evillness!

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything, although owning (and being able to draw) the mazoku lords would be great.fishies.I also don't own Enya. Though she did have good music for FOTR.but that's coming from a fanatic who would love to sue a book for not knowing that Gothmog was a BALROG, not a Nazgul!!  
  
After the authoress had secretly examined all the rooms (there were lots of hidden security cameras), she called the mazoku lords into the living room.  
  
"To keep from any unfair fights, the subordinates will not be allowed here at the moment. Expect random (Slayers) characters to stop by. You can do whatever you want within the boundaries of the rules for a few hours, as I'm still planning.Oh, another rule: STAY OUT OF MY ROOM!! I will make it so you can't get in!"  
  
After blinking, the lords went their separate ways. Dynast visited the walk-in freezer. Dolphin tried to summon fishies in the bathtub. Phibbrizzo and Gaav went on a mission to find and wreck the authoress's room. Little did they know, it was already a wreck, and they'd never be able to find it. Zelas went to the patio to smoke. The authoress started making a fort in her room out of the many stacks of paper. .she'd have to figure out how to improvise later since the paper would probably go away sometime, if the mazoku lords figured out how to get in.  
  
Two hours later, they met in the living room again.  
  
"I can only hope you've acquainted yourselves with the house. If not, oh well. However, we do have a computer room in a small corner; you might want to work with it."  
  
'Wonder if I should've told them about the cameras.Nah. That'd ruin the fun! Plus, I could sell some of the funnier videos to the Shabby pieces and L-sama!' The authoress started contemplating how to get these videos.  
  
The lords started edging away from the obviously mad authoress when they saw the evil look on her face. Granted, they loved evil, but they assumed (correctly) that it would be bad for them.  
  
The authoress's evil grin intensified as soon as Amelia walked in. She quickly scribbled something down, and teleporting wards were set up, and all doors/windows were locked and barred (AN: I only mean the ones leading outside. The other ones are still accessible). She pressed 'record' for the camera film.  
  
The mazoku paled.  
  
"Hi! Are you Xelloss's friends?" "No. We are not friends of that purple-haired freak," Dynast said flatly, moving to the side to avoid Zelas's slap.  
  
"Don't insult my Xelly! You have a purple-haired freak too! Or at least, you did."  
  
"Stupid Inverse."  
  
"Why are you insulting Lina-san?" Amelia wanted to know.  
  
"SHE FEAKIN' KILLED ME!!...I'd use more colorful language, but this is only rated PG."  
  
The authoress grinned.  
  
"Oh, Amelia? Can I have the lyrics to 'Life is Wonderful'? I need it for the justice speech I'm gonna practice on them!"  
  
The mazoku scrambled to their rooms. However, the security cameras also seconded as stereos.  
  
So, a sound came out of seemingly nowhere. First, it was the dreaded song, and then it changed to some Enya song, then to heavy metal music by an unknown artist.  
  
Confuzzled, the mazoku went into the computer room, and found the authoress listening to Ace of Base. There was a tall stack of CDs next to the computer (hint hint). After a song ended, she changed it to 'Fish Heads' by Barnes and Barnes.  
  
Everyone except Dolphin left. She tried to check in on her precious fishies, and looked at all the odd varieties on the fish market. They looked to tame for her.  
  
Sooo.how did you like it? Was it okay? .and you may have guessed that I own NONE of the songs or artists that were mentioned. And, this does not take place in my house. It's not that big, and I can't make my mom move out.or my annoying sister.or my step dad, ect. It took me forever to get rid of those mazoku who dragged me off stage last time, but I fixed it.*looks at the VERY white walls, with occasional 'Life is Wonderful' lyrics on it. Plus, it looks like there's a general white magic-ky aura to the whole thing* he he he.that was fun! My question of the day: Why aren't you allowed to become a writer here if you're under 13? Please review!! 


	3. the deities are watching

Disclaimer: Do you really think I own Slayers? Do you actually think that in your pitiful little minds? If you do, you're stupider than most of the people at school, which is saying something. Plus, there'd be more of the mazoku, and they wouldn't die as much.  
  
I don't think this chapter has as much humor as the rest, and there's certainly little to no plot. But read and review. I like that. It makes me feel like maybe, just maybe, I may have SOME talent as a writer of some sort. Gah...no insanity today...need more sugar... ________________________________________________________________________  
  
Dolphin soon got bored with the computer. There simply weren't enough bloodthirsty fish for sale. Shrugging, she wandered around the house, stopping only to summon some 'real' (in her mind) fish for some idiotic person to stumble upon. Then she went to bug Dynast...  
  
...who was quite happy to just stare at the wall in his room, imagining the slow and painful deaths he would give to every human when he took over the world, which he wouldn't even try to do until Lina Inverse was long dead. While isolated, and seemingly dead to the world, Ha'Ou Grausherra wasn't stupid enough to just ignore something that had killed one of his siblings. Lords of large areas of land didn't live long by being idiotic morons (AN: what IQ would that be? I forgot...).  
  
But even though they weren't stupid, sanity loss always seemed to accompany the solitude. Dynast sighed as his blue-haired sister dragged him around, pestering Phibbrizzo into joining them. He tuned it all out until he realized that he was soaking wet. He glared at Dolphin until he realized she was talking to Phibby, not watching him for a reaction. So, he glared at the nearby authoress, who whistled innocently on her way to the kitchen.  
  
Gaav was conveniently moping next to the fridge, so the authoress adopted a mock-serious expression and proceeded to question him under the pretence of needing 'background' info for her project.  
  
"What's your favorite color?" "Red." "How old are you?" "I lost count around 2000." "Have you ever been in a relationship?" "Well, there was that one time...HEY!"  
  
But the authoress was long gone. Munching on a brownie on the way to her room, the authoress contemplated how much her info would sell for. Shabranigdo had said he would pay $500 for each embarrassing moment in confessionals.  
  
The evil grin returned as the authoress realized that not only would she have tons of fun, she'd also be something close to a millionaire by the time this was through.  
  
Once in her room, she set up a link to Shabranigdo.  
  
"Did you know that Gaav was in a relationship?" "...so that was why he was so secretive...here's your cash. Keep me informed."  
  
He faded out of sight with an evil cackle.  
  
Taking a quick look through the security cameras, she noticed that Gaav had convinced the Beastmaster to go on a manhunt for her. Not especially surprising, nor anything to spend sleepless nights over (indeed, it probably wouldn't even last an hour), but certainly worth noting. Then the phone rang.  
  
Hello? Oh, hi mom...yes, I'm fine...no, I'm not making out with any boys...yes, I'm actually doing the project...no, I haven't killed anyone yet...yes, I'm sure I don't want help.MOM! I don't need help, I'm fine, I'll be back soon, so GOODBYE!"  
  
Slamming down the phone, the authoress realized just how lucky she was to not have people who could speak directly in to her head at any given moment. She tore up a random stuffed rabbit, and took a nap.  
  
Zelas had converted to her beast form, and was following the scent. She came to a long hallway that looked exactly the same on either side. Zelas didn't notice this, and just followed the scent, which conveniently went around in circles, so she took the wrong turn and went back to the living room. Realizing this, she tried again, but wasn't following the scent very well. Perhaps she had had too many drinks, or there was a spell making it impossible to be completed. The Beastmaster soon fainted on the floor, mumbling something about needing more beer.  
  
Phibbrizzo had found a certain CD, and after grinning evilly, had put it in a boom box conveniently located next to Zelas's ear. She woke with a loud yelp and a sudden urge to go to a bar. The Beer Song has that effect on alcoholics and not-quite-sane people. It was later found out for absolutely no reason that Phibbrizzo hadn't tortured his sister in a while, and that boredom made even the cruelest of people feel all warm and fuzzy inside (AN: and that, class, is the effect of mold in people's stomachs. Next week, we study those green pools of slimy stuff found in the school cafeterias). Boredom seems to have its effects on everyone's sanity. And if not boredom and seclusion, then too much time experimenting with killing people and spending time with your sister who probably went insane by doing that, and much much more. Poor soul orbs. He wouldn't witness or cause any deaths for a whole week!!! Such indignity! With these thoughts, Phibbrizzo huffed and joined a very...non-pacifist chatroom.  
  
L-sama witnessed all of this via the tape she was sent regularly, and shook her head at the stupidity, and in pity for the emotions that her grandchildren (if you think about it, they are) had. Ceipheid came in, and peered over her shoulder.  
  
"Glad my kids didn't have sanity problems that severe," he commented. "Now you know how I feel. I'm embarrassed to be even slightly related to them. Dynast's a social outcast, Dolphin's lost all resemblance of sanity, Phibbrizzo's obsessed with killing people, and Gaav, though the closest to normal of all of them-besides the trench coat- I think is still a pyromaniac!" L-sama continued to rant on about the stupidity of all of her underlings, oblivious to the rest of the video, and Ceiphied watching it interestedly.  
  
The mazoku were unsurprisingly unaware of this. All they knew was that they would certainly come out of this to ridicule of some sort.  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
...so, how was it? I know it wasn't as funny as the rest of them...and you should all be aware that there won't be very much plot in this, and I have absolutely no idea how long this is going to go, or if I'll ever even finish the first day...not hyper today...which is good for other people, but not for me. *sigh* oh well. See you next chapter!! Ja ne! 


End file.
